Having dined on a sumptuous bowl of finest Organic oats gargled down with a fine cup of Nicaraguan Strength 4 - I made off to the filling station for a can of liquid gold for the mower - 5lts = £8.25p

Whilst there I noticed the launderette is open but unsupervised on Saturdays - The grass being still damp, I legged it back to Claymore towers and collected my Topping Lift and Genoa Halliards - both of which were due a decent wash, stuck them in a bag and lashed out 2 x £6 for a couple of machines. "Where is this going?" I sense you wonder - well both lines have hefty shackles and dear Heart has put a ban on them being used on her new (ish) Bauknecht. The house of Washee Washee has a list of don'ts such as 'No Horse Blankets' so I felt that a shackle or two would definitely get the

Anyway - I'm not sure if it was the Campanologist Clonking or it was just Saturday but both machines failed after about 30 minutes - a handy looking lad using the next machine advised that if I switched off the power to my machines and counted to 10 (which must have been a challenge for said handy looking lad) - I could retrieve said ropes. - This I did and the assembled co-washing customers seemed to accept my apologies for the twin puddles on the floor.
Safe returned to the family pile, the grass by now dry enough for a mow - I set to with the trusty wheelhorse. Sadly, Dear Heart had been doing a wash in the new(ish) Bauknecht and all had been hung neatly on the line to dry. In all the years I have been mowing our grass, I have never - until yesterday - managed to hook the washing. I did feel the trusty Wheelhorse slow a bit but then get going again. some yards later as I was turning to run back, I noticed to my dismay that I was trailing the whole washing line and that upon closer inspection, the grass was not that dry.
I extricated myself from the clutches of Dear Heart - narrowly avoiding a double Arkwright and step-over leg lock with subsequent visit to A&E only to find that in my keenness to get close to the edges, I'd managed to mow the cable to the pond pump. This was pointed out to my by herself as she brandished a chewed bit of cable - fixing me with a stare which I recognised as one of her 'you useless eejit' ones.
Well - that was pretty much my morning but redemption being sought, I decided to paint a ceiling - this had been on my 'to do' list for a week or several and surely forgiveness was there for the taking, I thought. It probably would have been had I not inadvertently kicked the 2.5 litre tin of Dulux Pure Brilliant White, emptying half of it onto the newly sanded floorboards. I almost got it cleaned up before she returned from her Sisters....when I say 'almost' - I probably mean 'didn't' .....