Problemo

[claymore]

Being a kind and thoughtful skipper, always pandering to the wishes of his crew often at great levels of personal sacrifice, I have recently issued Muzz and Para with Times, Dates and suggested destinations for the 2017 Summer Voyage of the good yacht Claymore.
The Muzz, eager wee chappie that he is and steadfast to the very end, responded almost by return indicating that he had 'Diarised' the dates and looked forward to further communication when a more detailed itinerary had been issued and, reliable as ever, confirmed that he was happy with arrangements carried over from previous years concerning provisioning etc.

By complete contrast, Para, in his usual lackadaisical manner, eventually after a couple of reminders, informed us that it doesn't appear to fit with plans that the formidable MrsPara has laid. Cutting to the chase - the feeble auld fart is absenting himself from 2017 activities.

So - members of the Jury - is the invitation extended to 2018 or is this Goodnight Vienna and the Muzz and I advertise for a nubile young thing to take the aforementioned Paralytic's place?

[BlowingOldBoots]

Nubile young thing has to be the priority, but hedging your bets and extending the invitation is likely a wise move and more likely to deliver platonic satisfaction. Clearly 3 is not a crowd in your salty adventures.

[Nick]

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I find it extraordinary that the reactionary old scrote has something better to do.

What is it? I think we should be told.

[claymore]

.
I find it extraordinary that the reactionary old scrote has something better to do.

What is it? I think we should be told.

The Good Doctor Muzz and I are being left completely in the dark regarding this matter. We do know that the Minister for Snoring and Farting was enticed onto the boat of a member from TOP which I believe was in the Mediumterrain area of the planet - this took place last summer and we think he is hedging his bets and waiting for a further invitation in preference to sticking with his old friends.
We have appraised the situation and to be honest, we don't feel we will be unduly inconvenienced if he doesn't come along - he never does a bloody stroke anyway, the only way to get the auld blimey up is to serve his breakfast in bed - his washing up skills are fairly chaotic and his advice regarding navigation and seamanship should be avoided. He does pay his way and always has a good line on the SNP, Parliament, Brexit, Windfarms and Trump but apart from that he's really quite quiet, apart from when he is sleeping.

[ParaHandy]

The little thugs were taken to see Christ Church College, the location for Hogwart's College, and despite it being half term in the U.K., the place was full of woggery. Christ Church must be making a fortune and are entirely unconcerned at giving the students indigestion as the throng stand outside waiting for them to scoff, literally, their grub. All for the cost of an extra Bulldog or two, ChristChurch's major domos who can sniff cannabis at 100 yards rumour has it. Anyway, the places one might visit reading H. Potter were familiar to those you read out to me and, no the itinerary was not included in any email. Is this a fantasy cruise I ask myself? It all sounded vaguely viking-ish.

[claymore]

Para - my dear and ageing fruitcake - had you been at the sauce before writing that?

Don't know about anyone else but I didn't make sense of a single word of it - can you do it again in words I can understand?

[ParaHandy]

Whilst in Hogwarts, I asked William the elder thug what other places he knew. The look of condescension which children are so adept at, descended. He reeled off the names, all of which sounded familiar to those on the itinerary you mumbled over the phone, hence fantasy voyage.

[Aja]

Para - my dear and ageing fruitcake - had you been at the sauce before writing that?

Don't know about anyone else but I didn't make sense of a single word of it - can you do it again in words I can understand?

Glad it was you too....

Thought it was some sort of code
Donald

[claymore]

Whilst in Hogwarts, I asked William the elder thug what other places he knew. The look of condescension which children are so adept at, descended. He reeled off the names, all of which sounded familiar to those on the itinerary you mumbled over the phone, hence fantasy voyage.

Vatersay, Mingulay, Barra, north Uist, Dunvegan were among the destinations I 'mumbled'
Anyway - as you've chosen to go off in yer new Jagwar, it all seems a bit academic - lovely link to Hogwarts, don't you think?

[ParaHandy]

In recompense for missing this, could I recommend Cif Power and Shine for cleaning up auld tubs. With the amount of plastic with which Bendix washing machines are made off, this stuff makes it look as good as new. I have, like a sheep dip, immersed my fine vessel with no deleterious effects and it truly shines after. Yours a satisfied customer.