Experienced fire setter

[ParaHandy]

Whilst listening to one of my Christmas presssies, Roy Orbison's I drove all night, pretty woman etc etc, I was setting the fire using time honoured traditional techniques of rolling newspaper and twisting into a knot.

I recall that over the years, the Scotsman is rather thin and short lived, certainly not got any oomph to light a decent fire.

The Times is always rather wet which prevents good ignition and, the ink comes off it leaving your hands dirty.

The Telegraph is sort of thick and was always interesting to read the chip wrappers with stories of parish clergy caught in flagrante delicto

The Sun is terribly difficult to burn since the onset of water based colours; page 3 is almost unburnable and most often the paper is only held together with the pictures.

The FT is coloured pink for no good reason other than to inhibit combustion and at £1 per roll is expensive.

The Guardian beats them all. Since the Berliner format it's got the beating of them all. If only it was worth reading ...

No research done on many such as Big Issue, Herald etc ... .?

Very appropriate track 'it's over' is on ... Dear old Roy

[claymore]

Is Christmas becoming a little tedious my Dear?

[Rowana]

In my yoof, admittedly many years ago now, I used to find the Dundee Courier & Advertiser fairly good in the combustion stakes, and along with a few finely chopped kindlers, I could get a decent blaze going without too much effort.

Don't know what the modern equivalent is like though.

[Mavanier]

I can confirm that the West Highland Free Press has stoked many a fire.

[lady_stormrider]

At this time of the year (and with the bin men from Kirklees not due until God only knows when) we get to use up all the wrapping papers, greetings cards and cardboard from orders despatched via Mr Nick's Amazon sponsored website.

Something appropriate from 'The Doors' may also be playing in the background.