Claymore's Impending Storm

[claymore]

Dear Heart returns on Friday
Anyone with a couple of days to spare - bring a hoover and some other cleaning stuff

[puddock]

Dear Heart returns on Friday
Anyone with a couple of days to spare - bring a hoover and some other cleaning stuff

If my own brief periods of being left in charge of the fort are anything to go by, I imagine a recent Tetanus jab would be an advantage too then ?

[lady_stormrider]

Vodka is very handy - you can use it as an odourless cleanser.

Or if all that goes wrong it makes for an effective steriliser of facial wounds and anaesthetic.

It also helps to keep it in a jar marked 'Car cleanser' under the sink in case anyone tries to perloin your stock.

[marisca]

If my experience is anything to go by, excessive cleaning and tidying up prior to your loved one's return is totally counter-productive. Women seem programmed to "nest" and on return from a sojourn away from the family home seem compelled to clean and rearrange - perhaps the human female equivalent of peeing in the corners. If the house is too clean this natural urge is frustrated and there is likely to be only one recipient of that frustration - it could also suggest that you could survive without her, or, heaven defend you, you have allowed someone else into her domain to do the cleaning.. A minimum of dirty dishes (no more than two meals' worth) and obvious evidence of some amateurish attempt at cleanliness (the hoover left out of the cupboard?) is usually enough, but the important thing is to make yourself scarce until the cleaning frenzy abates. When it does, presenting a small token of your affection - not too great or you will be judged implicitly guilty - a single rose rather than a bunch - will ensure domestic harmony is restored.

Good luck!

[Aja]

Claysie

Just lie down and take a good kicking as usual......

Donald

[claymore]

Donald - I'm still recovering from last October's assault

[Silkie]

I think we need an update from Claymore Towers. I do hope he hasn't done himself a mischief with too much skivvying.

[claymore]

Been working in Northern Ireland this week so didn't get back until 7 ish last night and got hi-jacked by Salty John as I was driving past his house so we ended up in the boozer.
Claymore is feeling his years a bit at present - got home the worse for drink and fell asleep in the chair. Woke promptly when the coffee cup dispersed its contents down my suit trousers and onto the chair.
Up this morning at 5 and did a pretty mean job with the hoover which I eventually found. The chair doesn't look too bad but will be spotted.
Nipped into M&S at nine and blew £50 on not very much food which she will go mad about as it isn't organic and not much of it is green or veggie.
I did find some nice spring flowers knocked down to under a fiver which I think were an excellent buy and will lift the little woman's heart.
I did the beds at the weekend so think have got that covered - probably got the wrong sheets on but I did make the effort.
Only a few breakages and only one of any significance - I never liked that teapot anyway although Dear Heart is rather fond of it - well, was.
In meetings all afternoon and touch and go as to who gets home first -may have to pull a migraine at 16:00hrs and bunk off

fingers crossed - tally ho

Actually I couldn't give a monkey'sbugger whether she is suited or not as I am so excited at the prospect of seeing the grand-child.

[Telo]

So, no more Lorn Sausage then......

Mme S is presently in New York, so, of course, I've been very diligently looking after the nest. I always find it's better keeping on top of things rather than leaving it to the last moment.

[Aja]

Claymore/Shard

Sheena flies out to Santa-Cruz on Tuesday for 10 days work. Tips on what worked and what didn't would be good.

I've found the dishwasher, and expect to be told where the Hoover is before she goes... think I might have some trouble with dusting but I'm sure there will be a work around.

I'm already fixing up food. Daughter is on for tea a couple of times and might even wangle something from sister-in-law.

If it all goes t1ts up there is still my Mum I suppose...

Donald

[Telo]

Claymore/ShardTips on what worked and what didn't would be good.

TOP TIP: Make sure all the empty bottles have been cleared out and recycled....

[FullCircle]

So, no more Lorn Sausage then......

I always find it's better keeping on top of things rather than leaving it to the last moment.

Where's the fun in that?

Far better to be puffing and red faced as she enters, followed by the hours of her wandering round trying sot the differences.

[Telo]

Where's the fun in that?

I suspect that this thread is being monitored from abroad, so really cannot say any more.....