The only thing that ever interests meee..

[Silkie]

At the local dance, whilst posing by the door
A lady begged: "would I come on the floor?"
Above the band, my voice was heard,
Quite suddenly it had occured to me:
I'm Bored!

I'm bored with everything I touch and see
I'm bored with exposes of LSD
[Beatle-like backward sounds]
I'm bored with Frank Sinatra's new LP
And so I roar shoo-be-do-be-do
I'm bored.

Drinking different coloured wines or beers
(Chug-a-lug-chug-a-lug)
Just quite frankly leaves me bored to tears for souvenirs
And quite apart from what one hears,
I've been like this for years and years
You see? Ennui.

I'm bored with Mother Nature or her son
I'm bored with everything that should be done
And so, I just poke out my big red tongue and [raspberry]
I'm bored.

I'm tired of art!
(Drawing bored)
Sex is a drag!
(In a boreding house, I daresay.)
Awk! Australians bore me!
(You mean the a-bore-iginals, don't you?)
I'm bored to death!
(Like mortar bored)

I am bored.
[Repeat many times, round-style]

This is boredom you can afford, from Cyril Bored.

I hate each Julie Andrews film they've made,
[snatch of music from The Sound of Music]
I'm just a nasty narrow-minded jade.
Don't think that I will smile at it,
I'm not a weak-willed hypocrite,
I'll say: I'm bored!

I'm bored with with-it men in spotty ties
Who hum (hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm) tiresome tunes like Eidelweiss
I'm bored, and when I hear it
In a trice, I shout, I'm bored!

The only thing that ever interests me...
Is ME! (Me! Meee! Me! Me!...)

[Nick]

Lonely, unmarried, looking for love,
Life was passing me by.
So I sent off my photo, hobbies and age;
Magazine marriage I tried.
They say for centuries lovely Japanese girls
Have been trained in the art of pleasing men.
Be lonely no more, open destiny's door.
For one dollar they arrange a meeting.

My image was wrong, I didn't like me,
So I changed my personality.
I bought a delux Merseybeat wig
But it was a size too big.
What confidence in my new built-up shoes,
So smart for winter or summer.
Undetectable in normal everyday use.

Look out there's a monster coming!

Bye-bye binoculars and macintosh,
Everything is just great.
I take elocution, learn to speak posh
But still I can't find a mate.
Be popular, learn to play the guitar,
In seven days you could be strumming.
Be sociable, learn kissing technique.

Look out there's a monster coming!

Carnaby clothes, I reshaped my nose,
Plastic surgery's best.
To cut down my weight off comes my left leg.
I pass a swimming costume test.
Are my sideboards too long,
Don't my aftershave pong?
I know my new nose ain't runnin'.
What's wrong with my tie?
Am I getting too high?

Look out there's a monster coming!

Disfiguring and ugly, my facial hair
I had removed electrically.
I rejuvenated my energy cells
And regained my virility (grunt grunt).
[He put my hand on my heart?],
[I am changing the part?].
He had a machine for a mummy.
Please be gentle with me:
I come to pieces literally.

Look out there's a monster coming!
Look out there's a monster coming!
Look out there's a monster coming!
[...fade]

[claymore]

The evening sun was glintin' bright on Invermay's sweet glen and stream

The rocks and woods in rudy licht were kythin like a fairy dream

In loving fear I took my gate, to seek the tryst that happy day

Wi Bonny Mary, young and blate, amang the birks of Invermay





We stray'd beside yon wanderin stream and talked wi herts that overflowed

Until the suns last setting beam amang the treetops moved and glowed

I pitied all beneath the skies, aye evn kings for all their sway

In raptures I beheld her eyes, amang the Birks o Invermay





It wasna till the sklent moonshine was glancin deep in Mary's ee

That a' in tears she said "I'm thine" and ever will be true to thee

Ae kiss, the lover's pledge and then we spak o' a' that lovers say

Syne lingered hamewards thru the glen Amang the birks of Invermay

[Nick]

Sudden change of genre methinks . . .

[claymore]

Well someone needs to change your genre ye pair o daft loons.

[Salty]

The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band reunion on BBC4 tonight, that is?

Loved Ade Edmunson doing My Pink Half of the Drainpipe

- Salty

[MacHurley22]

Don't have that digital stuff. I remember seeing a documentary about Viv Stanshall recently (10 years ago?) which was very moving. A sad end for such an original mind.

[Telo]

Aye, I cannae see the gleen in yer een
But I can feel the tilt in yer kilt.