Dr Claysie's Casebook - The Dormobile
Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 4:19 pm
Scene: The parlour at Arden House. Dr Claysie enters
DrC “I’m back from surgery jimi er janet! How aboot a nice cup o' tea?”
Jimit “ och of coorse, Doorctor, and werr the patients all mute agin?”
DrC “Er, well, aye that’s reet they were, Janut, it keeps the acting’s costs doon as well ye ken”
J: “Och well is there anything else Doorctr?”
DrC: “Weel, axshully I have some quaite fabulous news Janut– I am planning to buy one of those new-fangled dormobiles! Whit dya think o' thet, then!?”
J {sighs} “Och Doctor, this isn’t another dairsperate attempt to get back on the television, is it noo?”
DrC “well, it’ll definitely gi' a gud jolt to those bastar’ tv producers who hurld us asaide noo almost forty years past ”
J “och, ye know know very well yerv nae chance. Ever since Fathr Ted nicked the celtic-professional idea and made them all pissheid-professionals-behaving -badly, there’s been nae chance of Tannochbrae ever being on the silver screen agin!”
DrC : “Och away with yer woman and make me the tea willyer!”
J: “aye and that’s another reason why Dr Claysie an yon casebook was canned – always saying “woman!” tae me was a bit much even in the late sixties! Ye dormobile shenanigans is boond tae end in tears, and anyway it’s a camper van fae crissakes which iz well oot of fashion”
DrC “och is that reet janet? Or wd ye call it an R V? Hm? Yersen bein actually born in America and that accent being jest a load of acting school stuff, eh? Ye and that "dooorctor" accent was always a bit heavy yet recognisably English jest fae the southern audience, eh?"
J "och away wi' ye an shi'e! Whit aboot that time we has an episode aboot some "bairns" and thoosands o' viewers wrot in tae ask why would farm buildings or "barns" need medical attenshun? Yer knae vury wel yon middlebrow lightweet highland medical fling had a good run but it's well finished as televisual material.
DrC "Och jtha' is jes typical of ye cynical miserable sexless post-war Janet character woman!! I reckon yerv got a share of the blame, especially since all ye did as female lead wuz make the effin tea in a feckin twinset!”
J {picks up prize cricket bat from the wall and swings it menacingly} : “ Reet! yerv had it noo yer daft auld would-be carvanning bastar…..”
{enter Dr ParaCameron, slowly}
DrPC “Drink!”
DrC “I’m back from surgery jimi er janet! How aboot a nice cup o' tea?”
Jimit “ och of coorse, Doorctor, and werr the patients all mute agin?”
DrC “Er, well, aye that’s reet they were, Janut, it keeps the acting’s costs doon as well ye ken”
J: “Och well is there anything else Doorctr?”
DrC: “Weel, axshully I have some quaite fabulous news Janut– I am planning to buy one of those new-fangled dormobiles! Whit dya think o' thet, then!?”
J {sighs} “Och Doctor, this isn’t another dairsperate attempt to get back on the television, is it noo?”
DrC “well, it’ll definitely gi' a gud jolt to those bastar’ tv producers who hurld us asaide noo almost forty years past ”
J “och, ye know know very well yerv nae chance. Ever since Fathr Ted nicked the celtic-professional idea and made them all pissheid-professionals-behaving -badly, there’s been nae chance of Tannochbrae ever being on the silver screen agin!”
DrC : “Och away with yer woman and make me the tea willyer!”
J: “aye and that’s another reason why Dr Claysie an yon casebook was canned – always saying “woman!” tae me was a bit much even in the late sixties! Ye dormobile shenanigans is boond tae end in tears, and anyway it’s a camper van fae crissakes which iz well oot of fashion”
DrC “och is that reet janet? Or wd ye call it an R V? Hm? Yersen bein actually born in America and that accent being jest a load of acting school stuff, eh? Ye and that "dooorctor" accent was always a bit heavy yet recognisably English jest fae the southern audience, eh?"
J "och away wi' ye an shi'e! Whit aboot that time we has an episode aboot some "bairns" and thoosands o' viewers wrot in tae ask why would farm buildings or "barns" need medical attenshun? Yer knae vury wel yon middlebrow lightweet highland medical fling had a good run but it's well finished as televisual material.
DrC "Och jtha' is jes typical of ye cynical miserable sexless post-war Janet character woman!! I reckon yerv got a share of the blame, especially since all ye did as female lead wuz make the effin tea in a feckin twinset!”
J {picks up prize cricket bat from the wall and swings it menacingly} : “ Reet! yerv had it noo yer daft auld would-be carvanning bastar…..”
{enter Dr ParaCameron, slowly}
DrPC “Drink!”