Storm Tactics - Review and Guidance
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:37 am
Many of us will be concerned at the alarming and dramatic increase in disasters encountered by fellow mariners hereabouts. This makes it makes it all the more important for the rest of us to be able to learn from their unfortunate experience, and adjust our tactics should the need arise.
Most recently, the Abingdon2010 Disaster saw Para actually abandoning his bed far too early, and launching numerous cups of tea. Unfortunately, he failed to realise – too late – that almost none of the cups of tea had any effect whatsoever, and he’d have been much better staying in bed.
There is another possible tragedy in the making a little further north. Fleetwood2010 has all the makings of another bloodbath, and all readers should consider the easy guidleines below.
1. Be very careful before committing yourself to abandoning your bed. It’s almost always better to stay in bed. Look how badly hings went for Para – but only AFTER he’d got out of bed. Sure, he’d still have been in a storm – but still in bed as well.
2. Choose your equipment with care. A cup of tea is hardly going to have much effect against a storm , really, is it? No. A bunch of flowers much better in an emergency, although given the conditions, that wouldn’t really have worked for Para anyway. It might be a good idea for claysie, tho, much better than hoovering.
3. Being useless. I met up with Para one day and he’d spent the day making jam! Jeez, basic error. He’s making jam now so what use is a cup of tea? Much better if he’d stayed in bed and not made any jam or cups of tea, surely? Claymore is even considering getting up AND cleaning, which won’t do any good – he’ll just have to clean up again, sometime.
4. Being really useless. This is potentially very good in extreme circumstances, but you MUST prepare well in advance. Being really useless includes breaking pots (“get out of my kitchen!) and even breaking the washing machine as well, by simply overloading it. Yes, new washing machines aren’t cheap, but then safety equipment never is a bargain, and far better to be safe than sorry. Your existing washing machine is probably out of date anyway. Make sure you dispose of it carefully.
5. Not being there. This is risky, but ultimately effective. Buy an airline ticket to somewhere else and leave a note saying "gone sailing with etc, back next week" and this will certainly delay the effect of any storm. Obviously there is the difficulty of getting back into bed on your return. The approved method of achieving this is to arrive late after the pub shuts and shouting some shockingly obscene and lewdly aggresive suggestions from the bottom of the stairs, which will guarantee you can safely proceed back to the safety of bed.
Most recently, the Abingdon2010 Disaster saw Para actually abandoning his bed far too early, and launching numerous cups of tea. Unfortunately, he failed to realise – too late – that almost none of the cups of tea had any effect whatsoever, and he’d have been much better staying in bed.
There is another possible tragedy in the making a little further north. Fleetwood2010 has all the makings of another bloodbath, and all readers should consider the easy guidleines below.
1. Be very careful before committing yourself to abandoning your bed. It’s almost always better to stay in bed. Look how badly hings went for Para – but only AFTER he’d got out of bed. Sure, he’d still have been in a storm – but still in bed as well.
2. Choose your equipment with care. A cup of tea is hardly going to have much effect against a storm , really, is it? No. A bunch of flowers much better in an emergency, although given the conditions, that wouldn’t really have worked for Para anyway. It might be a good idea for claysie, tho, much better than hoovering.
3. Being useless. I met up with Para one day and he’d spent the day making jam! Jeez, basic error. He’s making jam now so what use is a cup of tea? Much better if he’d stayed in bed and not made any jam or cups of tea, surely? Claymore is even considering getting up AND cleaning, which won’t do any good – he’ll just have to clean up again, sometime.
4. Being really useless. This is potentially very good in extreme circumstances, but you MUST prepare well in advance. Being really useless includes breaking pots (“get out of my kitchen!) and even breaking the washing machine as well, by simply overloading it. Yes, new washing machines aren’t cheap, but then safety equipment never is a bargain, and far better to be safe than sorry. Your existing washing machine is probably out of date anyway. Make sure you dispose of it carefully.
5. Not being there. This is risky, but ultimately effective. Buy an airline ticket to somewhere else and leave a note saying "gone sailing with etc, back next week" and this will certainly delay the effect of any storm. Obviously there is the difficulty of getting back into bed on your return. The approved method of achieving this is to arrive late after the pub shuts and shouting some shockingly obscene and lewdly aggresive suggestions from the bottom of the stairs, which will guarantee you can safely proceed back to the safety of bed.