BLUEMOMENT

Cracking phone call today. The good ship Tafna has been up for sale for some time (if anyone is looking for a lovely wooden motorsailer, you know where to come...) but today's phone call took the biscuit.

Hello (in Welsh accent)
Hello (says I)

You selling that boat?
Yes, says I, haven't we spoken before? (recalling the accent)

No, says he.
Fairy Nuff, says I. How can I help you?

How much you want for it? (do this in a very thick Welsh accent)
You asked me this last time, says I. Can you read? (saying this because the price is on every advert out there).

Yes.
What does the advert say? (says I)

Eh?
The advert. What's the price?

I don't know.
£25,000 (me)

What's the name?
My name, the boat's name, or the type of boat (says Shuggy - presumably he's forgotten since our last call 4 weeks ago)?

Boat's name.
Tafna.

Eh?
Tafna.

Eh?
Tafna.

Spell it.
Tango Alpha Foxtrot...

[interrupts] Eh?
T-A-F

[interrupts] Tell it to this guy [passes phone over] Tell me the name [Welshman #2]
Tafna

Eh?
Tango Alpha...

[interrupts] eh?
Are you deaf?

Eh?
/edit for sanity/

What type of name is that?
I don't know.

[cut to Welshman # 1] Is it blue?
Is there a picture? (me)

Yes.
Yes, it's blue.

Did it used to be white?
Yes.

I remember you! We've talked before! [yes, think I, you tw*t] Was it for sale through [broker name removed to protect the innocent]?
Yes.

Is it for sale through them now?
No.

She's a ****, isn't she?
I think that's inappropriate (what is this guy on?)

I'll give you £20,000 for her.
But you haven't seen her.

Where is the boat?
Scotland.

Where in Scotland?
Argyll.

Where the f*ck's that?
Scotland.

But I don't know Scotland.
So why did you ask?

I live in London.
So why did you slag off the English in our last phone call?

What's your name?
Hugh. What's yours?

Eh?
Oh FFS. Goodbye. Phone me if you have a sack of cash. I'm busy.

***
Where do these people come from? Heeeeeeeellllllpppppp!!!

Nay lad, it's a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

Cash don't come in sacks, it comes in tons, French porn comes in sacks.

Makes you wonder...

Can I offer my services as an interpreter using english as the mediating language?

buying can be fun too...
I was talking to an owner about the boat he was selling- discussed all the general stuff and asked when I could come and see the boat- bearing in mind I would be travelling down to the Solent from Scotland.

Date and time were arranged and I turn up to view the boat.
While showing me round the boat it was becoming clear that I wasn't getting a sales pitch....so I asked him if he's accept the advertised price.

" Um well, I don't think I'm going to sell her after all"

What an ar*e .....

How much are you asking for it?

How much are you asking for it?

Ho ho!

Good luck with the sale. Nobody likes idots and time wasters.

True, but a bit of humour never goes amiss...!