BLUEMOMENT

I have a friend who is a complete clutz but although suffering grievous insults and traducing of my efforts I am still willing to help him out of the hole he's in (so we're told) in Whitehaven.

Harrumph ... with the help of another friend who lent his Toshiba laptop some years ago, a navigation prog sufficient to get the auld goat the 40m down the coast to his nest in Fleetwood just so that it doesn't look odd that the FYC cruising director doesn't appear to have an auld tub but ... should more charts than that which is strictly necessary be provided? Hmm ... those with long memories will recall his dependance on Fiona his Tom-Tom navigator in the Espace (rip). Lending the Auld Goat this laptop without a speak-easy to tell him where to go would be a waste and likely to cause another Cuan incident?

Perhaps if we all chip in for new batteries for Fiona then he may be able to get to Fleetwood?

I have it on good authority its not be able to get to Fleetwood from Whitehaven that's the first problem, its finding Whitehaven itself which is the initial stumbling block. Claysie was spotted last week wandering around Whitechapel muttering "Now did I leave her here on not?" This of course was great boon to the Jack the Ripper tour!

Knowing how the auld goat likes to be upsides the latest gizmo, I bet he's wandered into some whitehaven shop and asked if they've got one of these new blue-tongue thingies and he axshally has been these last few weeks locked up in quarantine efter being chased by a defra geezer ... and the auld git's blaming me fer being stuck up there

Yikes.. an auld goat with blue tongue .. the mind bogles!