There are breakfasts, and then...

Forum for those participating in the Chentleman's Cruise 2009, April 30 - May 4
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ljs
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There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby ljs » Tue May 05, 2009 11:38 am

After the All Day Breakfast, and the Giant Builders Breakfast, a new bench-mark in matutinal consumption has been set, known as the STCMB (Standard TCM Breakfast). This consists of
2 slices of buttered bread
3 Sausages
3 Bacon rashers
1/3 tin tomatoes
1/3 tin baked beans
2 fried eggs
4 oz fried mushrooms
And a large plate.

However, it has long been recognised that for the average sailor, sitting for several hours in a cockpit, or slumped in front of a chart-plotter, then eating and drinking all night in a pub, this just doesn't cut the mustard. So the ATCMB (Advanced TCM Breakfast) has been devised which is
2 slices of buttered bread
4 Sausages
4 Bacon rashers
1/2 tin tomatoes
1/2 tin baked beans
4 fried eggs
6 oz fried mushrooms
And a very large plate.

For those of you who count these things, this has a co-efficient of 4.2 gym-hours equivalent, or more than 57 Highland Flings. Occasionally there are inexperienced skippers who are unable to partake of this (due to the burden of High Office, the loneliness of Command).
However, on a historical note, (and to prove the efficacy of the diet), a recent research paper has indicated that had TCMBs been around 200 years ago, Lord Nelson would have been 6'4" instead of 5'6", and lived perhaps 30 years longer due to still being at the breakfast table when the Battle of Trafalgar was concluded..

jim.r
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Re: There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby jim.r » Tue May 05, 2009 12:32 pm

take it that the heads was functioning ... frequently!

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claymore
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Re: There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby claymore » Tue May 05, 2009 1:32 pm

Personally, I feel the Noble Lord would just have got up a bit earlier and so in probability the outcome would have been similar.
I say similar because taking account of the other information with which you have kindly provided us, Nelson at 6ft plus, would probably have been shot a fair bit lower - probably around his knob. This may not have proved fatal and so all paintings and poetry relating to his demise would not therfore have materialised.
There is a strong probability that Emma Hamilton's passion may well have been reduced - difficult to see how a seemingly hot blooded young woman would have been able to maintain high levels of interest in a lover so cruelly afflicted.
Not much of a prospect for him either really, One-eyed, one armed and cockless....
Regards
Claymore
:goatd

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claymore
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Re: There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby claymore » Tue May 05, 2009 2:19 pm

Mr Sadler this is an interesting post and no doubt the first of series that will emanate from the keyboards of those fortunate enough to attend.

I did have the opportunity to get my round in as I bought afternoon tea for two mariners venturing southwards on Monday afternoon.
I was relayed the information that Phandy became unwell following consumption of one breakfast - would you care to comment?
Regards
Claymore
:goatd

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ljs
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Re: There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby ljs » Tue May 05, 2009 2:34 pm

I think he blamed that bit of malaise on some slightly dodgy milk - it hadn't been put back in the fridge although I'd stressed the importance of doing this to the crew - in his tea.
I fear though it was down to the rigours of the trip which had started in the previous month. By Portrush we had run out of limes, though the rum lasted to Oban (just), and the poor chap might have had a touch of scurvy.

jim.r
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Re: There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby jim.r » Tue May 05, 2009 3:08 pm

Poor chap, sounds as if he'll be joining me on an enforced prolonged trip on the wagon ;-(

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ljs
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Re: There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby ljs » Tue May 05, 2009 5:39 pm

Someone suggested that there should be a pre-cruise preparation and acclimatization course including modules on how to deal with excess alcohol and sleep deprivation..

jim.r
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Re: There are breakfasts, and then...

Postby jim.r » Tue May 05, 2009 7:47 pm

ljs wrote:Someone suggested that there should be a pre-cruise preparation and acclimatization course including modules on how to deal with excess alcohol and sleep deprivation..


I think it would just turn into a mass funeral!


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