Today's joke

Forum for general cruising topics
jim.r
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Today's joke

Postby jim.r » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:40 pm

Two women walking past a dress shop. One says "That's the one I'd get".
......................and a cyclops ran out and punched her.

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Bejasus
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Location: Savannah, GA 32 00.50N - 80 59.90W

Postby Bejasus » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:57 pm

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers.
He was wanted for rustling.

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Bejasus
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Postby Bejasus » Fri Mar 07, 2008 1:25 pm

A customer in a butcher’s asks: “Do you have any tinned pigeon?â€Â

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chakalo
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Location: Wintering-South Coast (Sussex)

Postby chakalo » Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:07 pm

A young wannabe gunslinger walks into a saloon in Dodge City and sits at the bar next to a an old, hard faced, former gun fighter.

"I want to be as good as you were" says the youngster.

" You're wearing your gun too high, slacken off your belt" says the old man.

The young man slackens his gun belt, makes a lightening draw, and shoots the bow tie off the man playing the bar-room piano.

"That's great" he says, "any more tips?"

" Yep" says the old man " Cut a piece of your holster top away so that you can get your thumb on the hammer quicker as you draw"

The wannabe cuts a piece from his holster, draws and shoots a cuff link off the pianist's shirt sleeve.

"Any more advice old timer?" he asks.

"Yep" says the old man " Over by the door there's a bucket of grease they use on the stagecoach axles, smear it over your gun"

The young man rubs grease along the barrel of his Colt.

The old gunfighter says "No son, all over the gun, put plenty on"

"Will this make me faster?" asks the youngster.

" No" says the old man, giving him a pitying look " But when Marshall Wyatt Earp gets through playing the piano, he's going to stuff that Colt up your ass and the grease will make it less painful"....

moresteamcphail
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Re: Today's joke

Postby moresteamcphail » Fri Mar 07, 2008 6:56 pm

jim.r wrote:Two women walking past a dress shop. One says "That's the one I'd get".
......................and a cyclops ran out and punched her.



Aye!!took me a meenit or twa!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ah canna captain,the biler wilnae take it!

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sahona
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Postby sahona » Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:30 pm

Chakalo forgot to file off the foresight, "nice 'n smooth" and, yes you're right, the cyclops penny took a long time to drop , must be Jim's accent.
http://trooncruisingclub.org/ 20' - 30' Berths available, Clyde.
Cruising, racing, maintenance facilities. Go take a look, you know you want to.

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lady_stormrider
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Location: Home:Yorkshire Boat: Scotland

Postby lady_stormrider » Wed Mar 12, 2008 9:11 pm

[color=darkred]A length of tatty rope, all twisted and bent into a shape with the ends all pulled apart walks into a bar. The barman asks,

“Are you the same piece of rope that walked into my bar last week?â€Â
Became a full-time sailor at the end of May

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Telo
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Postby Telo » Wed Mar 12, 2008 9:27 pm

[quote="Bejasus"]“Sorry, no canned dooâ€Â

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ljs
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Location: Fanny's Bay, County Donegal

Postby ljs » Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:59 pm

Where did the Grand Old Duke of York keep his armies...?

Up his sleevies.

BigNick

Postby BigNick » Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:46 am

I'm not in a good mood today, very very angry in fact!

Some feckin' git drove into my car in one of those new Skoda's.

There was marzipan and sponge cake all over the place. :P

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ash
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Location: Tarbert, East Loch Tarbert, Loch Fyne, Scotland

Postby ash » Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:55 pm

BigNick wrote:
There was marzipan and sponge cake all over the place. :P


At least the engine wasn't damaged - else everything would be sticky with Golden Syrup.

Ash

BTW - I've read the first post umpteen times, and never got the joke - today it suddenly clicked.
"This is a sailing Forum"
Albin Vega "Mistral" is now sold

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AlbertRoss
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Location: East Sussex.

Todays joke,

Postby AlbertRoss » Sat Mar 15, 2008 7:09 pm

Small dog limps into a saloon in Dodge City with front foot bandaged. Bartender asks, 'What happened to you' and dog replies, 'They shot my Paw'.
A day not spent on my boat is a day in my life wasted.

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sahona
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Location: Clyde

Postby sahona » Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:38 am

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the very prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"
She stops doing her tasks, looks up at him over the top of her glasses and says .........................................................


"F*** off! Ye'll no bring it back."
http://trooncruisingclub.org/ 20' - 30' Berths available, Clyde.
Cruising, racing, maintenance facilities. Go take a look, you know you want to.

tcm
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Postby tcm » Sun Mar 16, 2008 1:39 pm

Paddy goes for a job at the building site and the foreman is checking that he's not too thick for the job. "So, dya know the difference between a girder and a joist then, Paddy?" asks the foreman. " O aye" says paddy, "Goethe wrote Faust, whereas Joyce wrote Ulysses"

tcm
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Postby tcm » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:58 am

Two rastas are listening to the radio playing old songs, and one of them says "Ah man, that's Nat King Cole!" and the other one says "okay, so who is it then?"


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